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2003-03-17 - 10:38 p.m. Aren't you afraid? I am. I don't want this war. I know but a few people who feel this way - among them, my sister and brother - but all the people at my workplace think it's 'necessary'; my boyfriend thinks it's necessary. It's too incomprehensible to me how any war is 'necessary' and it makes me very very sad. I am glad my mother is no longer alive because she would be saddened by the whole thing also, and also very afraid for me living in this city. I swear, if the alert here goes to Red, that does it, I'm staying home from work and close to the place I love. In no way am I reliving that night of 9-11. I just rescued a shelf that collapsed in my apartment, and re-piled many plastic storage boxes of my collections of beads. Of course, I had to look into every one, and I was breathless with the amount of beads and amulets and brass stampings I had accumulated...and this weekend I promised this person from the postcard club that I'd go with her to the bead show here in New York City - now I'm thinking, do I NEED any more beads in my life?? Plus last night I couldn't resist and ordered handblown lampwork beads, spotted with the sweetest little raised rosettes, from a handcrafter on eBay, and they are totally gorgeous. War is coming. One must indulge in every pleasure NOW. Eat many chocolates, drink fine champagne, listen to all your favorite music, and buy yourself something special just because you exist. The future may get ugly. PS: It's a full moon. My New York City garden is eerily lit by the most beautiful blue light! I read somewhere that war is traditionally declared on the full moon. This is ironic because the full moon signifies the change of the tides, and women all around the world amazingly overwhelmingly begin their periods on the day of the full moon, yet wars, waged overall by men, are also noted to begin on the day of the full moon. I wonder what this all means - the forces of creation and destruction at odds at the same place in time...to quote the ending line in David Lynch's Blue Velvet, "Isn't Life Strange?"