My DiaryLand Diary

2007-08-15 - 10:26 a.m.

I sit on the sofa, cluttered with books I'm currently reading, a warm striped cat purring loudly on my lap. Right now, this moment, I can actually say I'm happy. This happens rarely. I live in a haze of major depression and anxiety. I sense the downfall beginning already.

At five AM I awoke from a nightmare - it was still dark. I unplugged the new mini-fridge and plugged in the panini maker ( in this slum apartment one can't have two things plugged in at the same time, or you lose electricity). I made whole wheat paninnis stuffed with sharp cheddar and fresh mozarrella. I watched an HBO documentary about living on methadone. I did methadone once, "unbeknownst" to me; the friend-of-a friend who gave it to me at the time told me it was cough syrup. I spaced out and nodded out and stumbled the streets of NYC for hours like an addict you see in the movies, and threw up eventually and made it back to my apt in one piece.
Anyway, on a more pleasant note, to continue on this morning, I took my meds, read a short story, went back to bed, got up at ten, and took the German Shepherd Dog for a walk by the East River...a woman running to her boyfriend's waiting car yelled "Nice BIG dog!" I said back "Nice BIG pointy blue shoes!" and we laughed.
I took the dog back and started out for the thrift store, but got sideswiped by a perfectly wonderous street-find on my block - a mannikin dressform on wheels! I stood before it for a long time. Then I decided she had to come home with me. There was an old white woman in pink making her way up the block with a walker, and a black girl on a cell who grinned at me as I dragged the mannikin up the block. "I couldn't decide whether or not to take her home, " I said. "But, hey!" I got back to the apartment and put the mannikin grrrl in the kitchen. The basement door was open. I went downstairs and one of the new slumlord's mexican workers had started up the boiler. "Yay!" I said. "I can have a hot bath today! Your boss bolted the door, we can't get in to turn on the boiler, so I had only one hot bath in three weeks!" "Well, I turned it on now," he said, and gave me a thumbs up. "Thank you SO much!," I said. "Thank you!"
I took off again for the thrift store three blocks away. Anything you buy there feeds homebound New Yorkers with AIDS. I found a dramatic 3-foot tall black wrought-iron candelabra for $20. Then I stopped at a liquor store for my vodka. "White Nights is the best", the man said. "Better than Skye or Stoli." "I know," I said, "I've bought it here before." "Isn't it a beautiful day?" he said. "Oh, it's perfect ," I answered. "Last week - so hot - now, it makes you feel good!" he said back.
I stopped a block further for cold iced tea and seltzer. Then I stopped in another storefront for a lottery ticket.
As I made my way to my apartment, I noticed the lady in pink with the walker had just made it to the corner of my block.
Time is so irrelevant. I felt I 'd had an entirely full morning already, and she, she had triumphantly, walked one ONE block.